


Bullshit 2x

by Fukoronoko



Series: Haikyuu Chat ficsss [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 2nd gen captains, Chatting & Messaging, Everyone Is Gay, Fuckbuddies, Getting Together, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, ✨
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:53:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28414941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fukoronoko/pseuds/Fukoronoko
Summary: The 2nd gen captains Chat fic no one asked for and I did while having 7 unfinished fics.😗War!Salt!Screams!Terushima probs has fucked every Volleyball player there is.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Ennoshita Chikara/Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Fukunaga Shouhei/Yamamoto Taketora, Futakuchi Kenji/Terushima Yuuji, Kyoutani Kentarou/Yahaba Shigeru, Semi Eita/Shirabu Kenjirou
Series: Haikyuu Chat ficsss [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2046383
Comments: 12
Kudos: 85





	1. This was a mistake

**Author's Note:**

> What is this? I...do not know 😗🥲

**2:00am**

**  
Terushima Yuuji** has created a group chat

 **Terushima Yuuji** named the group chat **How two captain?**

 **Terushima Yuuji** added **Futakuchi Kenji, Ennoshita Chikara** and 2 others to **How two captain?**

* * *

 **Ennoshita Chikara:** What is this Terushima?

 **Terushima Yuuji:** A chat for the next captains!

 **Terushima Yuuji:** I’m in the current captain one and thought I should do one for next year!

 **Yahaba Shigeru:** By „you“ you mean Oikawa-san had the idea

 **Terushima Yuuji:** Whaaaaaaaaattt Noooooooo...

 **Terushima Yuuji:** How did you know?

 **Yahaba Shigeru:** Bc that’s all he’s been talking about to me at practice 🙄

 **Yahaba Shigeru:** „Shigeru-chan you should totally do a group chat for next year’s captains!” „Shigeru-chan do you know how much fun I had in our captains chat!”

 **Yahaba Shigeru:** I can’t hear it anymore 

**Shirabu Kenjirou:** Like I can’t here your voice anymore 

**Yahaba Shigeru:** We are texting 

**Shirabu Kenjirou:** Whatever 

**Shirabu Kenjirou:** How do you have my number anyway?

 **Terushima Yuuji:** Ushi gave it to me😗

 **Ennoshita Chikara:** why the fuck are y’all awake in the first place?

 **Terushima Yuuji:** idk couldn’t sleep

 **Yahaba Shigeru:** Insomnia bitches👌🏼

 **Shirabu Kenjirou:** Team sleepover...I swore to myself to never sleep in the same room as Tendo at the same time. Also Goshiki snores 😑

 **Futakuchi Kenji:** I’m too high to sleep

 **Terushima Yuuji:** Futaaaaa babeee <3

 **Futakuchi Kenji:** Hi babe<3

 **Shirabu Kenjirou:** Wait you are dating?

 **Terushima Yuuji:** Awww is Shirabu jealous?

 **Shirabu Kenjirou:** What no-

 **Futakuchi Kenji:** Nah we aren’t actually dating. Just fuckbuddies 😏

 **Terushima Yuuji:** 😜

 **Yahaba Shigeru:** Actually that makes sense

 **Yahaba Shigeru:** You look like a fuck boy and like you def have a fuckbuddie so like🤷♀️

 **Terushima Yuuji:** I-

 **Futakuchi Kenji** has changed **Terushima Yuuji’s** name to **Lokal Fuck Boi🤪**

 **Futakuchi Kenji:** You gotta ✨embrace✨ The role

 **Lokal Fuck Boi🤪:** Ya know...ya ain’t wrong 😗

 **Yahaba Shigeru:** Um Chile anyways so...

 **Yahaba Shigeru:** Why are you awake Ennoshita?

 **Ennoshita Chikara:** Ah you Know...I don’t sleep 🙂

 **Lokal Fuck Boi🤪:** And here I went and thought you’d be the responsible one

 **Yahaba Shigeru:** Hahaahah no❤️

 **Yahaba Shigeru:** Have you meet his team?

 **Ennoshita Chikara:** Yeah I’m friends with Tanaka and Noya 

**Lokal Fuck Boi🤪:** Ok fair point! But I thought you were the mom friend his group needs😔

 **Ennoshita Chikara:** Then I’m the mom that drinks too much coffee, basically has given up and brings the bail money 

**Shirabu Kenjirou:** Aren’t all captains supposed to be like team parents or something?

 **Yahaba Shigeru:** Ok wait Imma say what type of mom/dad you are!

 **Yahaba Shigeru:** Terushima is like the mom from mean girls that says she’s a „cool mom” and Acts like she and her children are the bestes of friends. Also probs has said „I’m not her mom I’m her sister”

 **Lokal Fuck Boi🤪:** Hahah tru

 **Yahaba Shigeru:** Futakuchi is the type of mom/dad that is there but not really. Like you can find them smoking in their room while the children do dishes 

**Futakuchi Kenji:** I mean😗💨

 **Ennoshita Chikara:** Should I call child services?

 **Yahaba Shigeru:** And Shirabu

 **Shirabu Kenjirou:** Hoe don’t do it

 **Yahaba Shigeru:** Shirabu is the strikt parent of that one prissy white kid. He also doesn’t have enough time or attention for his kids so they just do whatever until he comes back. Then they are the most well behaved kids imaginable.

 **Shirabu Kenjirou:** I- and what are you?!

 **Yahaba Shigeru:** It would be unfair for myself to say so. I mean I just roasted y’all -Ennoshita

 **Ennoshita Chikara:** Can I do it then?

 **Futakuchi Kenji:** Yeah sure!

 **Ennoshita Chikara:** Yahaba is the parent that is so overwhelmed that they run to their own parents for every little thing. He is also probs the father of the child that bites ppl. And he has def said „Beat them!”

 **Yahaba Shigeru:** I-

 **Ennoshita Chikara:** hey That was fun

 **Lokal Fuck Boi🤪:** HAHAHHAH HELL YEAH 

**Shirabu Kenjirou:** ha

 **Futakuchi Kenji:** omg-

 **Ennoshita Chikara:** I wanna do more

 **Ennoshita Chikara:** Yo Terushima? Is it ok if I add more next year captains?

 **Lokal Fuck Boi🤪:** Yeah sure! And call me Teru😉

 **Ennoshita Chikara** has added **Akaashi Keji** and **Fukunaga Shouhai** to **How two captain?**

 **Akaashi Keji:** What is this Ennoshita-san?

 **Shirabu Kenjirou:** A group chat

 **Ennoshita Chikara:** A group chat for the next captains 

**Akaashi Keji:** Oh to exchange Tipps?

 **Futakuchi Kenji:** No❤️

 **Lokal Fuck Boi🤪:** Oh who are the new ppl? Are they hot?

 **Fukunaga Shouhai:** I would describe myself more as medium warm

 **Lokal Fuck Boi🤪:** I-

 **Ennoshita Chikara:** Now shut up while I roast them

 **Akaashi Keji:** Roast? 

**Ennoshita Chikara:** Akaashi is also the momthat Drinks to much coffee and brings the baile money. But he’s also very chaotic and has probably asked his kid who won after a fight.

 **Akaashi Keji:** I...what?

 **Ennoshita Chikara:** And now to Fukunaga...

**Fukunaga Shouhai: :3c**

**Ennoshita Chikara:** He is too precious to roast...but I’ll still say what type of parent he would be. He is really good with them when they are younger but it get a bit harder in the teenage years. He definitely only talks in dad jokes and is a great cook

 **Yahaba Shigeru:** Aww that was so nice!

**Fukunaga Shouhai: :3c <3**

**Ennoshita Chikara: <3**

**Lokal Fuck Boi🤪:** This is too cute🥲

 **Futakuchi Kenji:** Fuck we have practice tomorrow morning/today! Wait we don’t _have_ to go. 

**Futakuchi Kenji:** FUCK IM THE CAPTAIN 

**Ennoshita Chikara:** Oh yeah we have morning practice today too

 **Ennoshita Chikara:** You probably too

 **Ennoshita Chikara:** So go to bed!

 **Shirabu Kenjirou:** Yeah yeah gn

 **Yahaba Shigeru:** good morning 

**Lokal Fuck Boi🤪:** byeeeeeee

 **Akaashi Keji:** Wait I don’t even know who half of you are!

 **Fukunaga Shouhai:** Good night owo

 **Akaashi Keji:** I-

 **Akaashi Keji:** Rest well


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Explaining

**10:38pm**

**How two captain?**

**Akaashi Keiji:** Are you all out of school by now?

 **Yahaba Shigeru:** Yeah we just finished practice 

**Ennoshita Chikara:** We are done as well. Although Hinata and Kageyama are still practicing 🤦♀️

 **Futakuchi Kenji:** I’m finally out!

 **Lokal Fuck Boi🤪:** We do be done

 **Akaashi Keiji:** Good because I want to know who you are

 **Ennoshita Chikara:** Ohhhh...yeah

 **Lokal Fuck Boi🤪:** I’m Terushima Yuuji. Captain of Jozenji and I have a tongue piercing 😏

 **Akaashi Keiji:** No thank you

 **Futakuchi Kenji:** Really babe? Right in front of me?

 **Lokal Fuck Boi🤪:** Oh yea sorry😔 but have you _seen_ him?

 **Futakuchi Kenji:** Yes I have and I’m disappointed that you didn’t ask for a threesome 

**Lokal Fuck Boi🤪:** Babe You’re right!

 **Akaashi Keiji:** Again:No

 **Akaashi Keiji:** And what kind of relationship is that?

 **Ennoshita Chikara:** Fuck buddies

 **Yahaba Shigeru:** Fuck buddies

 **Futakuchi Kenji:** ^

 **Lokal Fuck Boi🤪:** ^^

 **Yahaba Shigeru:** Anyway 😗

 **Yahaba Shigeru:** I’m Yahaba Shigeru. Reserve setter and pinch server at Aoba Josai

 **Futakuchi Kenji:** Im Futakuchi Kenji😝 and im the person that usually gets to use Teru‘s tongue piercing 👁👅👁

 **Shirabu Kenjirou:** Ew🤢

 **Shirabu Kenjirou:** Shirabu Kenjirou. Setter at Shiratorizawa 

**Akaashi Keiji:** Oh yeah I have seen you before.

 **Akaashi Keiji:** You are the guy with ruler bangs!

 **Yahaba Shigeru:** Hahah ruler bangs😂

 **Shirabu Kenjirou:** Oh shut up furry!

 **Yahaba Shigeru:** How tf am I a furry?!

 **Shirabu Kenjirou:** Oh come on mister. I slam my dog against a wall!

 **Yahaba Shigeru:** KYOUTANI ISNT MY DOG!

 **Lokal Fuck Boi🤪** changed **Shirabu Kenjirou’s** name to **Ruler Bangs📏**

 **Lokal Fuck Boi🤪** changed **Yahaba Shigeru’s** name to **Furry🐶**

 **Furry🐶:** I- 

**Furry🐶:** Ofc Im a furry when I try to talk sense into my teammate

 **Ruler Bangs📏:** wow how creative 

**Futakuchi Kenji:** I can practically taste the sarcasm dripping from the both of you

 **Lokal Fuck Boi🤪:** Yeah watch the salt!

 **Furry🐶:** 🖕🏼

**Ruler Bangs📏: 🖕🏼  
**

**Ennoshita Chikara:** What shit did I do to deserve this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im sorry I kinda had a write block so that’s that. Also feel free to comment your ideas! No Garantie they will be used but it could really help me! Kudos and Comments always welcome❤️  
> And a happy new year YALL ❤️❤️


	3. Yahaba protection squad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pep talk~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I making Yahaba have my insecurities? Yes.  
> Am I making him into an actual teenager that has to take over huge responsibility? Yes.

**How two captain**

2:57am

 **Furry🐶:** Do you ever ask yourself why you keep going?

 **Furry🐶:** I’ll never be good enough anyway

 **Furry🐶:** I work my ass off everyday but what do I get?

 **Furry🐶:** forever the second choice?

 **Furry🐶:** What did I even think would happen?

 **Furry🐶:** That I’ll be as good as Oikawa-san?

 **Furry🐶:** Maybe even better?

 **Furry🐶:** I will always be Oikawa‘s junior, Oikawa‘s replacement, a cheap Oikawa knock off

 **Furry🐶:** Just like I’ll always be the second choice. Never the first. I will always be in the shadow of someone

 **Furry🐶:** Maybe everyone is right after all

 **Furry🐶:** Maybe i really just am a sad excuse for a setter

 **Furry🐶:** Maybe you really won’t have to worry about Aoba Josai this year

 **Furry🐶:** We’ll lose 

**Furry🐶:** Not because of the others

 **Furry🐶:** I’m just not right as captain nor as starting setter...

 **Ennoshita Chikara:** Hey hey hey

 **Ennoshita Chikara:** Where’s all of this coming from?

 **Lokal Fuck Boi🤪:** Are u ok?

 **Furry🐶:** DO I SOUND OK TO YOU?!

 **Lokal Fuck Boi🤪:** Oh yeah sorry...

 **Furry🐶:** No no I’m sorry I shouldn’t have snapped like that...

 **Ennoshita Chikara:** It’s ok Yahaba just tell us what’s going on

 **Fukunaga Shouhai:**?

 **Furry🐶:** I just...

 **Furry🐶:** We had our first practice match with me as captain...

 **Ennoshita Chikara:** Oh...

 **Furry🐶:** Yeah..I mean I have officially been captain since we lost to Karasuno but

 **Furry🐶:** Oikawa-san has always been there

 **Furry🐶:** it never felt like I was captain

 **Akaashi Keiji:** I know how that feels Bokuto-San still seems to be there at every practice 

**Furry🐶:** That isn’t even the problem!

 **Futakuchi Kenji:** Then what is?

 **Furry🐶:** The other teams captain...I knew they are a team that likes to provoke but

 **Furry🐶:** They made a bunch of shitty remarks on my team so I started bitching

 **Ruler Bangs📏:** At least you know your talents

 **Furry🐶:** You know that means so much coming from you Shitrabu

 **Fukunaga Shouhai:** >:(

 **Ruler Bangs📏:** Yeah yeah keep talking Yahaboke

 **Ennoshita Chikara:** *Kagehina flashbacks*

 **Akaashi Keiji:** Yahaba is trying to open up!

 **Furry🐶:** Nah it’s ok Akaashi...

 **Furry🐶:** Bitching with Shirabu actually makes me feel better😅

 **Furry🐶:** So yeah I started bitching

 **Furry🐶:** They were insulting our team saying Kunimi was useless and lazy, Kindaichi might have night but nothing else, Kyoutani should have been kicked from the team, maybe Watari eould have been a better Setter

 **Furry🐶:** Ect.

 **Furry🐶:** When I confronted them they started insulting me...

 **Fukunaga Shouhai:** :(

 **Furry🐶:** they said stuff like: Oh I didn’t know Oikawa was going to be here?! No wait that’s a cheap imitation

 **Lokal Fuck Boi🤪:** I wanna beat a bitch up

 **Futakuchi Kenji:** Im with you on this one babe

 **Ruler Bangs📏:** Give me their address 

**Ruler Bangs📏:** I’ll show them what my ruler is good for too 🙃

 **Fukunaga Shouhai:** >:)

 **Lokal Fuck Boi🤪** changed the group name to **Yahaba protection squad🙃📏**

 **Furry🐶:** Thank you guys🥺

 **Ennoshita Chikara:** but sorry that I ask but...was that the end?

 **Furry🐶:** It’s ok Enno and no

 **Furry🐶:** We won the practice game and I was so fucking proud 

**Furry🐶:** and then I fell...

 **Furry🐶:** They said that we only won bc they went easy on us, that we weren’t as good as we were last year, that if Seijoh couldn’t make it to nationals with Oikawa as the setter we wouldn’t have a chance 

**Akaashi Keji:** Im sorry this had to happen to you

 **Furry🐶:** They also never said captain...

 **Ennoshita Chikara:** Oh...

 **Furry🐶:** They only said Setter...like I wasn’t even good enough to be that...

 **Furry🐶:** I ended up nearly having to hold back Kyoutani, snapping in the face of the other teams captain and crying alone in my room when I came home

 **Ruler Bangs📏:** Now listen here Yahabitch

 **Futakuchi Kenji:** Oh god what comes now?

 **Lokal Fuck Boi🤪:** Um you’ve been typing for quite some time now...

 **Akaashi Keiji:** Shirabu?

 **Ruler Bangs📏:** You Are an amazing and skilled Setter, ok?! I have seen you play and it’s beautiful. It’s like you made a connection with the ball. Yeah sure Oikawa was great. There is nothing that can change that. But you are too! I bet with you could have made it to Shiratorizawa (You should have come to Shiratorizawa btw). You could have gone to any other school and you would have been starting setter in your first year and probably made your team win a bunch. And I mean look to what you made! You are the captain of a powerhouse school! You were the reserve setter by second year. How many setters does your team have again? Wasn’t it like 5? But you were the one to stand on the Court when Oikawa couldn’t. And now you are the staring setter as well as the captain! All of us had great captains and we all will be compared to them but you really shouldn’t worry. You are amazing.

 **Furry🐶:** I-

 **Furry🐶:** Please come the fuck over bitch I need to hug you

 **Ruler Bangs📏:** Yeah yeah omw

 **Lokal Fuck Boi🤪:** I stan Yahashira friendship 

**Fukunaga Shouhai: :´)**

**Akaashi Keiji:** Wait guys it’s 3am!

 **Futakuchi Kenji:** 🤫

 **Ennoshita Chikara:** Time isn’t real

 **Futakuchi Kenji:**...maybe we _should_ sleep


End file.
